What can you do to break the silence?

1. Create safe spaces for open conversations. Fear is one of the major reasons for workplace silence. So, becoming aware of where you (or someone else in your team or family) might, unknowingly, instil fear could be the first step to changing your behaviour or giving feedback to another about the impact of their behaviour. If you are facing someone who is a tyrant, remember that your worst fears are unlikely to come true; their bark is usually worse than their bite. Be prepared to have the assertive conversation using facts, give feedback constructively and stand your ground appropriately and respectfully.It is important to teach people how to have constructive emotionally intelligent conversations. We are happy to help with this. One of our most popular programmes is “Key Steps to Assertive Communication and Conflict Management,” where we support teams to ‘make hard conversations easier,’ ‘manage challenging relationships,’ ‘give and receive feedback’ and much, much more. Contact Collette for more information.
    
2. Show kindness and respect by being direct. Thinking that our truth will hurt another actually makes them quite small. Remind yourself that immediate, purposeful and constructive feedback is actually one of highest forms of kindness and respect. When we are direct with love and empathy, most people will be able to feel the positive intent and there is less chance they will take it personally and be hurt. If they are, it likely has more to do with them than you. It is important that you don’t retreat into silence but rather work through the conflict constructively. When people have a healthy and robust sense of self-esteem, they appreciate you speaking up and take any form of feedback as a learning opportunity. Do not deny people the opportunity to grow by keeping quiet. This might require that you…
    
3. Combat self-doubt. Encourage people to challenge you and make it part of the norm for people to give feedback to one another. To make this the norm, you will likely need to be the example and risk sticking your neck out and also ask for feedback regularly. Do not expect people to just start talking up because you said they should. People learn better what they see behaviour in action, so be an example. Develop the habit of speaking out so the fear of saying something ‘stupid’ is minimised. To achieve this, it’s critical that feedback is valued and people are not ridiculed if they do make a mistake or ask the ‘stupid’ question. In time, this can encourage everyone can find their voice and…
    
4. Stop being a sheep. Teach people about the dire consequences of the ‘diffusion of responsibility’ that explains the bystander effect. The theory states that people ask, “Why should I help or speak up when there’s someone else who can do it?” Responsibility for helping diffuses or spreads. Just like a layer of oil, which becomes thinner the larger the area it covers, so our sense of responsibility weakens in the midst of a large group. How often do you see this theory at play in your workplace or family? If it is not your responsibility to help or to speak up, when necessary, whose is ait? Make it safe for people to talk up and give feedback and they will be more likely to…
    
5. Put in the effort and make the difference. Remember that if you are not part of the solution, you are likely part of the problem. And when you ignore a problem long enough, it can multiply 10 fold. We all know the old adage that ‘a stitch in time, saves nine’. Remember this when you are tempted to fall silent on issues that really matter. I am not suggesting that you talk up about everything going on around you – some things are just not significant enough and we know it’s wise not to sweat the small stuff.We need to pick our conversations well and remember that silence could be deadly. A good example of this came from a client, who recently told me about a problem she had noticed with her company’s quality control system. She spoke-up about it to management and despite the fact that no-one wanted to listen, she persisted to put in the effort and outline her concerns. A few months later, there was an incident of fraud and the only reason she wasn’t implicated is because she had put in the effort to highlight her concerns to management. Naturally, she had to take a lie detector test and go through the same processes all employees were subject to, but she felt comforted by the fact that her GM knew she wasn’t involved. In fact, her GM reported that he had newfound respect for her and wished he had listened to her. Putting in the effort paid off much further down the line.

What conversations do you know you need to have? What difference could having them make? How will you take Key Steps to be the difference that makes the difference?