Key Steps from intimidating to inspiring.
In my twenties, I was often told that I was intimidating. At first, I was quite surprised. I was introverted, ambitious, determined and deeply committed to excellence – qualities I thought were essential to leadership. Yet, I started to notice something: people would hesitate before offering ideas, they would nod in agreement rather than engage in debate, and sometimes they seemed more relieved than inspired when projects were done. It wasn’t that I was unkind but my drive to get things “right” often left little room for others to bring their own brilliance to the table.
Over time, I realised that what others experienced as “intimidation” was often my unconscious need for control. I wanted things done well, which in my mind meant done my version of “right”. But control, I’ve learnt, creates distance. It closes rather than opens, and it limits what’s possible because it relies on the power of one rather than the potential of many.
The real transformation in my leadership came when I shifted from control to co-creation. When I stopped seeing leadership as carrying the full weight of responsibility and began to see it as holding space for collective intelligence, something remarkable happened: people leaned in. They stopped seeking approval and started contributing from a place of ownership and excitement. And the outcomes? They grew beyond anything I could have created on my own.
If you want to move from intimidating to inspiring, here’s simple yet powerful Key Steps that helped me to…
‘be the difference that makes the difference.’
- Reframe your intentions
- Instead of leading with authority, lead with curiosity.
- Ask, “What do you think?” or “How would you approach this?” to invite others into the process.
- Share the problem early
- Don’t wait until you’ve already decided on the solution. Involve your team when the issue first arises.
- Getting people involved builds ownership and reduces resistance to change.
- Practice psychological safety
- People co-create when they feel safe to speak up. One simple and powerful way is to ask people to challenge your views or share different ideas.
- Replace critique with coaching. Instead of “That won’t work,” try “What might make that idea stronger?”
- Shift from command to connection
- Speak last. Invite input before giving direction to build trust and spark collaboration.
- Co-design outcomes (not just tasks) so everyone feels ownership and aligned to a bigger purpose.
- Use inclusive language
- Say “we” more than “I.”
- Frame goals as shared missions, “Let’s figure this out together.”
- Be vulnerable
- Share your uncertainties or past mistakes. It humanises you and opens the door for others to contribute authentically.
- Be honest about not having all the answers and needing everyone’s skin in the game.
- Celebrate micro-contributions
- Acknowledge even small ideas or efforts. It reinforces that every voice matters.
- Highlight contributions publicly during meetings or team updates so people see that their input makes a difference and is valued.
This isn’t about losing your edge — it’s about channelling your strength into influence rather than control. Co-creation doesn’t mean stepping back; it means stepping forward with others. When you make this shift, leadership becomes lighter, richer and infinitely more rewarding.
And the best part? You don’t have to carry the weight alone anymore. Because when you co-create, you don’t just lead people… you lift them and take Key Steps together to…
‘be the difference that makes the difference.’
