Who said you should?

by | Jun 29, 2015 | Uncategorised

Who said you should?

​”I should make more money. I should lose weight. I should volunteer more often.” In saying ‘should’ so often, like me, you have probably found yourself feeling trapped by a sense of obligation and expectation. It’s an unnecessary pressure to conform to external standards, to be someone or do something. It’s like just being YOURSELF isn’t good enough. You might feel pushed to follow a particular path, behave in specific ways or believe certain things. This ‘should trap’ can be especially powerful at the start of a new year, new career or new relationship. So let’s be sure to take Key Steps this week to…

Break out of the ‘should trap’

  1. Recognise the ‘shoulds’ in your thoughts and emotions. eThe first step to breaking out of the trap is understanding the trap and how it keeps you stuck living a life that might not be in-line with your core values. Become more compassionate with yourself and listen out for the ‘shoulds’ adding stress and pressure and taking you away from what you REALLY know is ‘right’ for you. It might also be helpful to notice that when you choose to do something not on the ‘should’ list (or choose not to do something that is on the ‘should’ list), you feel guilty, shameful or even fearful that other people will disapprove or judge. Ask yourself, “Do I really WANT to do this?” Remember that might take some time and will involve the daily process of observing your thoughts and recognising the patterns. Email Tiffany if you would like some more information on our new 2-day introduction to EQ or full EQ leadership development programme.
  2. Replace or release the ‘shoulds’ and look inward to find your authentic voice. Replacing is the easier of the two. As soon as you catch a ‘should’, and determine it’s something your authentic inner voice is telling you to do, then change it to a ‘will’. I will go to gym or I will eat healthier not I ‘should’. On the other hand, if it is not your authentic inner voice. then practise releasing. You will need to keep reminding yourself – especially when tempted to obey the ‘shoulds’ – that under their tyranny you don’t find genuine fulfilment and frequently feel lacking. And you might find that when you try to listen to your inner voice, at first you only hear a few faint whispers. Compared to obeying ‘shoulds’, finding your own direction might feel less absolute and evolve over time. Julie Cameron sums it up quite nicely when she says, “We don’t always know what makes us happy. We know, instead, what we think SHOULD. We are baffled and confused when our attempts at happiness fail. We are mute when it comes to naming accurately our own preferences, delights, gifts, talents. The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people’s expectations. The tongue of the original self is the language of the heart”. Let’s take Key Steps this week to listen to the language of the heart and…   

“be the difference that makes the difference




NOTE: The information in my blog may be freely shared and re-used in any online or offline publication, provided it is accompanied by the following credit line: This was written by Dr Sharon King Gabrielides, and originally appeared in her free bi-weekly  ‘Key Steps Food for Thought Blog’ available on the Key Steps website.

Dr Sharon King Gabrielides, EQ Expert, Founder and CEO

Sharon is a dynamic facilitator, speaker and executive coach with over 25 years’ experience in leadership development and organisational transformation. Her PhD thesis contributed a framework for holistic and sustainable leadership development that was published by Rutgers University in the USA. She is faculty of numerous business schools and highly sought-after by leading corporates because she works hand-in-hand with them to create sustainable results and long-term success. In 2020, Sharon was inducted into the Educators Hall of Fame, which is a lifetime achievement award, recognising excellence and her contribution to the field.

Sharon is one of only three women in South Africa to hold the title of Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) – the Oscar of the speaking industry. She is also a COMENSA Master Practitioner (CMP), a qualified Modern Classroom Certified Trainer (MCCT™) and an accredited Global Virtual Speaker. Sharon is also a registered Education, Training and Development Practitioner (ETDP), holds an Honours degree in Psychology and practices as an NLP master practitioner.

Most important to Sharon is that she has become known for her genuinely caring manner, practical and transformational approach, and for providing valuable tools and that allow people to take Key Steps to really… ‘be the difference that makes the difference.’