I put the cart before the horse…

by | May 27, 2014 | Uncategorised

I put the cart before the horse…

Last week I challenged you to silence your inner critic by realising that being hard on yourself isn’t the most effective way to grow and improve yourself. Furthermore, when you criticise yourself, you often miss gaining the learning because you are wallowing or feeling so guilty, you can think clearly. From the feedback I received (thank you for all the emails), I realised how valuable this lesson was and that there were many people still needing to catch their inner critic at work. So perhaps I put the cart before the horse a bit. So now that last week’s lesson had sufficiently motivated you, let’s take a Key Step back and…

Get to understand and know your inner-critic

1.Hear your inner critic. Catch it in the act. You can’t change something you don’t know is there. If you are not paying attention to it, you’re probably reinforcing it because you are letting it have control over your thoughts. Once you hear your inner critic, get in touch with it and know your vulnerable times, you can then learn how to “turn off” and disarm it. A valuable way to catch it in the act is to pause a couple of times a day to check what you have been saying to yourself. This could be coupled with walking up or down the stairs at work as a reminder for you to stop and self-reflect. Or it could be a few minutes of reflection you do just before you eat a meal. It might even require you to set an alarm on your phone to beep every few hours as a reminder. Whatever method you choose, remember that you just want to start by noticing your inner critic, and then you can take the next Key Steps…

2.Talk back and get angry. Talk back and get angry at your inner critic (instead of yourself for a change). Some examples of talking back could include:

Stop it! This is poison.

These are lies. I’m not listening anymore!

Shut up!

Get off my back!

Stop this garbage!

It is important to choose a short statement that helps you feel angry as anger is a powerful motivator for change. In other words, this would be an emotionally intelligent use of anger, as it is healthy to get mad at it. Mentally scream at the critic so that you can drown him out with your anger and indignation, take your power back and take Key Steps to…

“be the difference that makes the difference




NOTE: The information in my blog may be freely shared and re-used in any online or offline publication, provided it is accompanied by the following credit line: This was written by Dr Sharon King Gabrielides, and originally appeared in her free bi-weekly  ‘Key Steps Food for Thought Blog’ available on the Key Steps website.

Dr Sharon King Gabrielides, EQ Expert, Founder and CEO

Sharon is a dynamic facilitator, speaker and executive coach with over 25 years’ experience in leadership development and organisational transformation. Her PhD thesis contributed a framework for holistic and sustainable leadership development that was published by Rutgers University in the USA. She is faculty of numerous business schools and highly sought-after by leading corporates because she works hand-in-hand with them to create sustainable results and long-term success. In 2020, Sharon was inducted into the Educators Hall of Fame, which is a lifetime achievement award, recognising excellence and her contribution to the field.

Sharon is one of only three women in South Africa to hold the title of Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) – the Oscar of the speaking industry. She is also a COMENSA Master Practitioner (CMP), a qualified Modern Classroom Certified Trainer (MCCT™) and an accredited Global Virtual Speaker. Sharon is also a registered Education, Training and Development Practitioner (ETDP), holds an Honours degree in Psychology and practices as an NLP master practitioner.

Most important to Sharon is that she has become known for her genuinely caring manner, practical and transformational approach, and for providing valuable tools and that allow people to take Key Steps to really… ‘be the difference that makes the difference.’