Seven Deadly Sins
Last week we explored the fact that “Negotiation is the process that takes place EVERYTIME we want something from someone who wants something from us”. Because we negotiate on a daily basis with ourselves and others, I shared the Seven Secrets to Master Negotiators. Now for the flip-side.
Learning to identify and overcome mistakes will dramatically improve the success of your negotiations. If something did not work out as you intended, there are many ways to increase your influence and master the art of negotiation. Let’s take Key Steps this week to overcome some of the worst mistakes in negotiation and…
‘be the difference that makes the difference.’
- Talking too much
Negotiators who dominate the conversation often miss the golden insights that lie in silence. When we talk too much, we reveal too much, often sharing information that reduces our power or limits our options. Worse still, we miss out on truly understanding the other person’s position.
Key Step: Practice active listening. Pause. Ask questions. Notice tone, pace and body language. Remember, the one who listens well, learns well and negotiates best.
- Being vague and unrealistic (unrealistic outcomes can also put too much pressure on you)
Going into a negotiation without clarity is like sailing without a compass. Being vague not only weakens your position but signals to the other party that you might be unsure or unprepared. Unrealistic expectations can also place undue pressure on yourself and others setting you up for disappointment or mistrust.
Key Step: Prepare with precision. Know what you want, why you want it, what your alternatives are and what a realistic outcome looks like for both sides.
- Being over eager or – worse – being desperate
Enthusiasm is healthy. Desperation is not. When you appear too eager, you can easily undermine your leverage. Desperation clouds judgment and gives the other party too much power. Remember: silence, patience and poise are powerful negotiation tools.
Key Step: Ground yourself before any negotiation. Breathe deeply. Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and trust in your value. You don’t need this deal you’re choosing to explore it.
- Missing signals
People are always communicating not just through words but gestures, pauses, changes in tone, facial expressions and energy shifts. Missing these subtle cues means missing out on valuable insights that can shape the direction and success of your negotiation.
Key Step: Stay fully present. Cultivate your emotional intelligence so you can read the unspoken. Signals often reveal what matters most to the other party and where flexibility may lie.
- Interrupting proposals made by the other
When we cut someone off or jump in to respond, we risk eroding trust. You might inadvertently shut down creativity, miss a key detail, or lose the opportunity to build better outcomes. It also communicates disrespect even if unintentionally.
Key Step: Hold back. Let the other person finish fully. Reflect back what you’ve heard. It buys you time and boosts your influence two gifts in any negotiation.
- Giving instead of trading
This is one of the most common and costly sins. Too often we concede to keep the peace or “be nice,” especially in emotionally charged moments. But negotiation is not about giving things away it’s about creating mutual value.
Key Step: Never give without getting. Before offering a concession, pause and ask: What can I ask for in return?
It doesn’t have to be of equal value, but it must be meaningful — whether that’s a longer commitment, faster payment terms, additional support, or access to another opportunity. Trading maintains balance, builds mutual respect and ensures both sides are invested in the outcome. - Letting your ego get in the way and arguing a WIN
Negotiation is not a battlefield. If you focus on “winning,” you may damage the relationship, erode trust, or burn bridges that could serve you long-term. Winning the argument can come at the cost of losing the partnership.
Key Step: Replace ego with empathy. Seek to understand, not overpower. Master negotiators aim for win-win, not win-lose. It’s not about being right it’s about getting it right together.
We’re not born master negotiators we become them. With greater awareness, reflection and skillful practice, you can radically increase your influence. Know your BATNA, deepen your listening, sharpen your presence and keep taking Key Steps to…
‘be the difference that makes the difference.’
